i wish i had known this all along.

[dysprositos]

So, I finished making my C++ program which prints out the text of any particular three-panel A Softer World comics by number, a random three-panel A Softer World comic, or a generated comic (using the text of the first panel of a random strip, the text of the second panel of a random strip, and the text of the third panel of a random strip). Finally got the whole comic so far transcribed (except the six-panel comics), and got the text file formatted properly so the program works right. (Well, almost right. Still have to figure out how to get the very first comic to print.)

Naturally, as soon as I got it working, I started generating the mixed-up comics. And got a lot of really bizarrely spot-on results. (The surreal ones I expected, but there are also perfectly-understandable sad ones!)

 

These ones make total sense (to me, at least):

I was sure the apocalypse would be awesome.
which means I am either crazy or a werewolf
rocking the bass guitar.
---
Two years in a row now
and I installed a phone so I can call my mom and creep her out
but that gets old quick
---
The future is so awesome.

Maybe that's a girl thing?
---
a woman started growing where we planted the seeds just like in the ad,
She won't answer our questions, she just smiles with her teeth
the tasty neighbourhood children are.
---
You are beautiful, sir. But I hope you're interesting, too.

Life would be way easier if I were easier.
---
No, I do not have a doctor's note.
Really?
i can stay in bed with you all day
---
I am a pacifist
I love you baby, and you love me too.
Being in love is totally punk rock.
---
thinking about the infinity of space makes me insane

for a hug job.
---
They pulled our names out of a hat
like Born in the USA
"fuck politics I just want to burn shit down"
---
I am not a womanizer
rent negotiable.
For me it's one last chance.
---
We are terrible for each other, and, yes, we are a disaster.
Sometimes he gets so angry about it that he cries.
did she remember to install the hidden cameras?
---
Every summer I get a bit romantic and kiss a frog

so that I don't seem uptight.
---
I have done up a list of pros and cons for suicide
mmmm mm mmmm mmm
waiting for the surprise.
---
We are terrible for each other, and, yes, we are a disaster.

but I've seen her long thin knives
 

 

Ones which make sense if you give them a little thought:

we broke every mirror
Oh, no. I seem to have forgotten my bathing suit.
"That's nerve damage." he said.
---
I'm married to the sea
everyone smiles at me
For me it's one last chance.
---
I found a spell to make you love me

Turn myself in, I guess.
---
I used my one wish to make myself smarter.
to film ourselves having sex
So it's not like it's awkward.
---
She could still get her memory back, the doctor says.
I'm pretty sure this whole zombie fad is dead.
I do not feel that you should have a second option here.
---
Hello I am back to be a good father

eats hope
---
I might be drunk but you're ugly
And I'd be surprised if there were words
in the collection plate
---
I wish seeing you naked
I asked my mummy what should I be?
you and me, please.
---
I figure you are already pretty badly off
but I didn't sign nothing

---
Dear diary, tonight my mother dug out of her grave and bit me.
It's a fact of nature.
I am the fluffy singularity.
---
I know that I don't deserve you,
I just want skateboard bruises late night video games
he takes care of me and my mother.
---
This is how breakups work.
but a hero needs an origin story.
And that smile of his makes me weak.
---
I never wanted anything to happen to my parents
I have so much rage. Just waiting
we are the first in years.
---
My new years resolution is to find a better hobby.
I figure you can bite one person
dressing him in my daughter's clothes.
---
This is how breakups work.
I don't understand why you're so confused.
even after they ran off. "Maybe your mom could come down and help?"
---
I hope this beach is overrun by lesbians right now.
and I didn't know it
you were easy.
---
Don't think of it as us breaking up.
until he was hit by a car, I thought that he enjoyed it too.
They underestimate me.
---
a boy from highschool found my site
in the morning they'll still be angry at the world
Every one of them a winner.
---
When they found out they sent me off to an all girls school.
and I lost everything, again.
which wasn't good enough
---
Everyone is staring as the priest hands the megaphone back to me.
ever since I slapped that gypsy
A can of kerosene is always the answer.
---
I don't hate marriage, or love, or monogamy. I just like to have sex.
Yes, she's clearly troubled, but she's not helpless.
I'll tell everyone I knocked you up."
---
I love my puppy.

Everyone gets so hung up on me dating a zombie.
---
got shat on today and looked up
Also, I respect a woman who organizes her fridge so well.
It feels better every time.
---
They won't let you borrow any of the art
"this is what a feminist looks like,"
I'm just not IN love with him.
---
our friends all died before we realized we were trapped in an old horror movie
I said, "what if the sky falls again?"
Buyer's Remorse.
---
The first joke every idiot makes is "which one of you is the dad?"

and we have enough glue for our homemade christmas cards
---
Sometimes when I get bored I like to pretend I'm living in a porno movie about the sea.
i would be sad, but
Tell my mother I love her.
---
our friends all died before we realized we were trapped in an old horror movie
But after they died, who would change him? who would feed him?
i wish i had known this all along
---
I'm married to the sea
it feels weird to have to announce it.
not ugly.
---
The mayor says be calm. Waters rise, and towns flood.
Like a city looking greener and greener
If it sparkles, we can kill it.
---
I cannot help but notice we are sitting-in-a-tree.
and where each tear lands a flower grows
before I remember you're dead.
---
Ten years of astronaut training
I have a new lease on life. And I guess what I'm saying is
against animatronic taxidermy
---
If you would just change your mind about me
"Johnny is the tall one" "Burt is gone."
and a thousand lonely people rioted
---
There's magic in science,
you motherfuckers will wish
we mostly play Battleship.
---
there's one thing books have
we could go look it up and know what's there in someone else's words,
And that pretty much kills your chances.

I don't know if this will be amusing to anyone other than me, but I thought I'd throw it out here!

Comments

[theleaveswant]

I'm amused.